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HOME arrow THE HITLIST arrow tMF Top Five - Worst Movies of 2008... so far
tMF Top Five - Worst Movies of 2008... so far Print E-mail
Written by Jeremy Welsch   
Wednesday, 02 July 2008

"Every single thing about this movie is lazy. The poster, the characters, the story, the… hold on, yep, I just threw up a little."

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Earlier this week I posted a Top Five list of the Best Movies of 2008… so far. For the most part, people seem to agree with the list (although there are lot of Cloverfield haters out there…) People agreed for a pretty simple reason; there haven’t been a lot of great movies coming out this year. Probably more seasonality than anything, but they have been few and far between. So in the interests of fair and balanced reporting, it’s only right to present the other, uglier side of the coin. I actually had a lot more trouble narrowing down this list to only five. There have been some bad movies so far; some due to failed expectations and some because they were just plain awful. For me, these were the worst of the worst.

tMF Top Five – Worst Movies of 2008… so far
By Jeremy Welsch

#5 – Jumper

This was probably my fault. How or why I allowed myself to be duped into thinking Hayden Christensen was capable of carrying a movie (and an action movie at that) on his own merits is beyond me. Jumper makes the list because it should have been cool. Or better yet, it could have been. When the central theme of the movie gets old in the first few minutes and your “hero” is someone you would just as soon smash with a beer bottle and feed  urinal cake to instead of looking at, you know you’re in trouble.
#4 – Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Before the bandwagon accusations start flying let me make one thing perfectly clear – I had very low expectations before I even went in. In fact, I didn’t even see the movie until two weeks after it came out so as to be able to form my own opinion without being biased by the slander surrounding its release. Oh how I wish it were merely slander. This movie is really bad, both as part of the canon and as a stand-alone movie. Everyone looks bored, the story is wretched (aliens, really?) and Shia LaBeouf is the best part. But the most damning complaint is that it doesn’t even feel like an Indiana Jones movie. For that, Steven Spielberg, you have my rage.
#3 – 10,000 B.C.

I am a movie lover, so suspending disbelief is something I have no problem with, but 10,000 B.C. tested the limits of my patience. I got past the fact that everyone spoke English (no accents, mind you – perfect English). I got past the ridiculous story and the equally shoddy CGI. But I’ll be damned if you are going to convince me of the struggles of an ancient civilization when the hottest girl in the movie is prancing around with eye liner the whole time. I’ll buy a lot of things, but that’s just plain gullibility.
#2 – Fool’s Gold

There is only one reason this movie didn’t top the list: it was supposed to suck. I have to imagine movies like this are made simply as God’s way of balancing out the universe for great movies that preceded it. Every single thing about this movie is lazy. The poster, the characters, the story, the… hold on, yep, I just threw up a little. You want to know the best part about this movie? My girlfriend actually wanted to see it, so I took her with me while I reviewed it. 30 minutes in, she turned to me and asked, nay, begged me to leave. I used my critical obligation as the reason we “had to” stay. It was a small victory at the time, but things haven’t been right ever since.

#1 – Strange Wilderness

Movies, good or bad, succeed when they create emotion in its audience. Problems usually start when that emotion is blind, white-hot, mind altering rage. I didn’t hate this movie because sucked. I hated it because it had the potential to be funny. I hated it because it made me hate Steve Zahn. I hated it because deep down it knew it sucked but thought everyone would be too stupid or stoned to figure it out for themselves. More than anything, I hated it because it made me leave the theatre and beat up a 5th grader just to feel good about myself again. Ok, that’s going a little too far – I don’t really hate Steve Zahn…

Got an idea for a Top Five list? Email jeremy [at] themovie-fanatic [dot] com.

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Comments (12)

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Different List
I don't totally agree that Indiana Jones and 10,000 B.C. should be in the Top 5 worst movies as there are worst movies than them. Here is my Top 5 Worst Movies of the Year List:

5. Run Fat Boy Run
4. Meet The Spartans
3. 88 Minutes
2. Semi-Pro
1. The Love Guru
Sizzlingpopcorn.com , July 02, 2008 | url
...
As I said, I had trouble narrowing the list. Semi-Pro and 88 Minutes barely missed the cut. I can only imagine the atrocity that lie with Meet the Spartans, but I couldn't even bring myself to watch it. So it dodged the bullet by default.
Jeremy , July 02, 2008 | url
...
Wait a minute, 10,000 B.C. better than Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull? I recognize that people didn't enjoy the film as much as I did, be come on. smilies/smiley.gif
Cinexcellence , July 02, 2008 | url
I agree with your Indiana jones point of view
I didn't understand the 78% positive reviews on Rottentomatoes.com The film was flat and didn't compare in quality to the first three. It was dissapointing!
chuck , July 02, 2008 | url
Dodging the Bullet
I completely agree with you about movies that don't really deserve to be watched. I just don't understand how after having seen the trailer for Fool's Gold, or having read the name for that matter, you decided that it still deserved to be seen. I think of movies like Fool's gold or What happens in Vegas as simple movie theater spam.
bluefabrik , July 02, 2008
Bluefabrik
I go to see them so that I can tell others about it so that they don't go.
Sizzlingpopcorn.com , July 02, 2008 | url
spammmmers
Bluefabrik -- "movie theater spam"
ScreenwritingforHollywood , July 06, 2008 | url
OOOPS
That didn't print right...

Brilliant is what I was saying about the "movie theater spam" comment.
ScreenwritingforHollywood , July 06, 2008 | url
...
fool gold is very interesting smilies/cheesy.gif
i like such as this movie.
torasham , July 07, 2008 | url
...
worst film: akte x.
the trailer is great but the film sucks! smilies/sad.gif
Betty , August 12, 2008
on dodging bullets and jumper
on dodging bullets for MEET THE SPARTANS - here's an idea for a list - top 5 movies you shouldn't even bother with....hahaha!

on jumper - write-ups say TOM STURRIDGE was supposed to do Jumper. Do you think it would have been better if TOM did do it?
mrs. edward cullen , September 15, 2008
What?
Jumper was a great movie. I really enjoyed it. I understand what you mean about Fool's Gold though. But Jumper was a good movie.
ducky , October 01, 2008

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